Come on, you think Sun Tzu included just any old advice in his
book The Art of War? Our in-house historian did some research (he
insists he didnt make this up and we see no reason to doubt him)
and found some maxims that the venerable Chinese sage dumped in his
trash folder, assuming he had a PC to begin with
1. All warfare is based on deception. So when you meet your enemy,
say, Eh, your zip is open and then when he looks down to check,
faster whack him.
2. Never lend money to your men before sending them into
battle.
3. Rouse your enemys irrational anger by chanting Nyeh-nee
nyeh-nee boo boo, you cannot catch me while sticking out your
tongue and flapping your hands by your ears.
4. Do not allow your men to paste Hello Kitty characters on the
sides of your chariots. Wait the enemy thinks youre all chao ah
lians.
5. In the face of a vastly superior enemy, the wise soldier reports
sick.
6. Demoralize your enemy by telling him you scored better than him
in PSLE.
7. Use psychological warfare. Giggle and whisper and point at your
enemy and then when he comes near you and asks whats the matter,
just turn away and say, Oh, nothing.
8. The prudent captain goes easy on the White Horses.
9. Before embarking on a long campaign, stock up on important
supplies, especially soft, cushiony toilet paper.
10. Confuse your enemy by coming up with lots of maxims that sound
cheem but which could be interpreted any old how.